Dear Diary: Have Axe, Will Travel

Dear Diary,

Now that I’ve got just about all of town covered in flowers, shrubs or trees, I have a golden gardening badge and a lot less gardening to do in general.  I seem to have reached the limit on public works projects, too.  Isabelle refuses to let me add any more!  She says that if I keep on putting up more street lamps and illuminated trees, I’ll ruin Newdood’s bucolic, rustic atmosphere, and that would be bad for our tourism industry.  I almost pointed out that we’ve had a total of maybe two or three tourists in Newdood, so it’s not like we’ve got an actual industry going here or anything.  But then I thought – she’s in Town Hall more than I am.  What if she barricaded herself in there?  Then I’d never get anything built, ever again!

Since I’m practically a retiree, I have been traveling more these days.  My buddy Fel recently took over the dictatorship Mayor’s chair of Windgate, so I decided to visit.  When I leave Newdood, I never travel without my golden axe, since you never know when a vicious deciduous tree will appear.  Don’t underestimate trees!  They could poke a branch in your eye, or trip you with a strategically placed root.  A tree could run trunk first into your face without any warning!  As a fellow mayor, it was my duty to help Fel tame the wild tree problem in Windgate, one swing at a time.

Girl Has Axe, Will Travel

Girl Has Axe, Will Travel

I think that for the most part, his basic town setup is good (he has a hamster and a deer, which is unfair).  There is, however, one enormous problem in Windgate, and that problem is a hideous hippo with a five o’clock nine o’clock 24/7 shadow named Harry.

The Face of Fear Holy @#%$, Harry, you have no idea.

The Face of Fear
Holy @#%$, Harry, you have no idea.

Suddenly, Kyle the Washed Up Rocker Druggie Wolf didn’t look so bad to me.  Staring into the void of Harry’s mustache-beard-horror made me feel terrible, so I went to bed and dreamed of far cuter things.  It turns out that another friend of mine has a white hamster with a pink nose in his town.



It also happens that I am not the only one with certain … town habits, namely, covering everything in flowers.  I take this as proof that I alone have not started the Blosso-colypse.

Looks Like I'm Not The Only One With obsessive flower tendencies.

Looks Like I’m Not The Only One
With obsessive flower tendencies.

Bye for now,


T&T Emporium Opens Up, Threatens Small Businesses

Newdood, Middle of Nowhere

T&T Emporium Big Box has come to Newdood

T&T Emporium
Big Box has come to Newdood

Mayor Prinnie finally succeeded in convincing Gracie, the ultrafashionable giraffe, to revitalize Newdood’s fashion scene by bringing her trendy boutique to the shopping district. Since bigger is better, the Newdood Redevelopment Authority put forward a plan that combined the Nookling’s T.I.Y. and Gracie’s establishment into one large, well-lit unit.  The three floors of fine retail have a total square footage that has some local business owners concerned.

Gracie May Be a Fashionista

Gracie May Be a Fashionista
But her customer service is somewhat lacking.

The Able Sisters declined to be interviewed for this article, citing the advice of their lawyer.  Kicks the Skunk, who purveys fine footwear to the residents of Newdood, showed more sass in the face of the new retail conglomerate in town.  He said that while he was aware of the potential for competition and the potential disadvantage due to disparity in scale, he thought his store stood a chance.  “I think customers will still come, because we have better customer service.  We at least let you try on the shoes!”

The Mayor, attempting to live by example, has been seen shopping at all locations in downtown Newdood.  Many residents thought this was a nice show, but would be impossible for them to emulate.  “Things always cost more and more,” said one, “and the Bells you need to buy any Gracie item?  Insane.  The price Reese gives you for bugs always stays the same, though.  How are we supposed to keep up?”

Dear Diary: I Hate All The Things

Dear Diary,

Kyle - Public Enemy Number One

Kyle – Public Enemy Number One

Kyle hasn’t even gotten to town yet and I hate him already.

I really don’t know what it is about this corner of Newdood, but animals cannot stop moving in on top of my paths.  At least this time, thanks to the street lamps, the house didn’t wind up smack dab in front of my bridge … but still!  There’s a lot of open area elsewhere that they could take, or they could move where a house was previously.  But nooooooooo.  They gotta move on a path.  Or perhaps just as bad, they gotta move in on a green spot.  When they remove their house, all that will be left is a muddy hole of sad, and that makes me sad.  Or mad.  Actually, both.

This Kyle killed some shrubs.  But the worst part is that he planted his house right in the middle of Project G.R.A.S.S.  (That’s Project “Grow and Restore All So I can have Snow”).  At some point, thanks to several factors, the area became totally de-grassed.  There was the fact that the narrow island seems to be more prone to the problem, as well as Lucha putting his house right in front of the bridge which forced me to go around it, and the presence of a rock and Giles’ house nearby.  All the dirt was ugly.  And no grass means no snow later in the year, which I think is going to be a muddy, disgusting, snowball-less problem.

Sonuva ... Somebody's going DOWN.

Sonuva …
Somebody’s going DOWN.

So I had covered the area in flowers, prohibited Giles from leaving his house except via established paths, and watered it every day even if it rained.  I observed the area for signs of progress every morning after six.  There hadn’t been improvement as of yet, but I think it’s safe to say a house is not grass, and a house won’t allow me to make snowballs, therefore, fail.

The first thing I am going to do when he gets here is to dig holes all around his front door.  I will do this every day.  This is the only way I will interact with Kyle, otherwise, he is to be ignored at all times.  If he runs up to me and asks for fruit, I will give him a bug.  If somebody wants me to deliver something to him, I will open the package instead.


Dream Suite Complete

Newdoodians Welcome You

Newdoodians Welcome You

Newdood, Middle of Dreamland

Newdood recently completed the local Dream Suite, meaning that visitors may take in the sights of Newdood without worrying about their carbon footprint or the ethics of town tourism.

For those looking to travel in a most restful fashion, Newdood’s Dream Address is 4800-2562-3030.

The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

It Almost Seems Sane If only because you can't see the rest of the town.

It Almost Seems Sane
If only because you can’t see the rest of the town.

Newdood, Middle of Nowhere

Mayor Prinnie finally succeeded in covering all of Newdood in flowers, and will now follow the falling petals to hell.

She wanted to regrow lost grass, require villagers to plant flowers where she could find them, and always be able to locate new fossils.  Covering every inch of available space with flowers would also enable the mayor to further her scientific study on Newdood’s Mysterious Moving Rock.  Yet programs like Newdood’s Insectarium have been clamoring for completion, which would require her to adopt a different ordinance.  The days of “Keep Newdood Beautiful” were limited.

“She should have known this day would come,” exclaimed Carpetia, Minister of the Interior.  “It’s been obvious from the start that somebody’s gonna have to water these things someday.  We’ve been expanding flower programs at the expense of the future!  It’s time to cut back, to live sensibly.  You know, to not have more flowers than we can actually take care of.”

Besides, the minister pointed out, artificially inflating the flower population was inefficient and led to sluggish hybridization.  “It would be best if we let the mess thin out naturally,” she said. “Then let the hybrid creators do their jobs.”

Mayor Prinnie was incensed by the low marks Carpetia gave her flower program.  “Hey now!  I set it up for blue and purple hybrids, and actually got a blue pansy yesterday.  SO THERE.”

Despite the need for a new town ordinance, there seemed to be mayoral deadlock in Town Hall.  Mayor Prinnie was busy arguing with herself over what ordinance would actually benefit the town more than the current status quo.

Mayor Spotted on Idea Exchange Tour or Something

Not Newdood, Middle of Nowhere

Mayor Prinnie’s “One Train, One Stop” Tour began and ended last night.  The official mission was to exchange town improvement ideas to the benefit of both Newdood and Kokiri.  The reality was somewhat more down to earth, as Mayor Prinnie simply wished to obtain an imported Sea Captain’s Coat.  The cost of this coat to Kokiri taxpayers is, as this writing, unknown.

According to assistant Isabelle, the advantage to a short agenda is that you are able to complete it with lightning speed.  This turned out to be a good thing, as there was limited time in which to complete the exchange.

The tour got off to a rocky start when Porter, the monkey who magically operates all the train stations in the world, decided to be clever.

Note To Self, Demote Monkey

Note To Self, Demote Monkey

Mayor Prinnie did not take this well, but as she was reportedly feeling quite generous, Porter was fortunate and did not lose his post in Newdood.  After issuing a warning to be more polite to users of the public transportation system, Newdood’s intrepid bureaucrat was off on her first adventure since arriving in town.

Kokiri's Train Station

Kokiri’s Train Station

After a brief arrival ceremony and item exchange with Kokiri’s mayor, Jennafer, the two bureaucrats took a tour of Kokiri.  In this period of time, Mayor Prinnie’s observed nicely arranged flowers, well-spaced trees and even color themes!

Something Is Happening In Mayor Prinnie's Twisted Brain, that is.

Something Is Happening
In Mayor Prinnie’s Twisted Brain, that is.

This is likely why, shortly after returning to Newdood, Mayor Prinnie was seen attempting to organize All The Flowers.  Villagers were positive the Mayor would collapse of exhaustion before completing the project, but Mayor Prinnie simply breezed by their limited expectations.

Many Hours Later ... A gleeful cackle echoed in the night.

Many Hours Later …
A gleeful cackle echoed in the night.

Completed Fashion Check Sets

Eventually, I hope to have a set of every look for each human in Newdood so that I can literally gang up on Gracie and get the checks over with on the first day she’s fool enough to set foot in town.  (That’ll work, right?  Right?)  It’s still somewhat difficult to assemble all the sets I require to my satisfaction, though.  The game hasn’t been out that long, I don’t time travel AND the Able Sisters insist on selling repeats, which all makes my wardrobe collection limited.  BUT I SHALL NOT GIVE UP.

Note that for Prinnie, I don’t include her purple glasses for any set though she wears them all the time. I generally intend to remove or change the glasses for the check.  I imagine the poor Mayor being blind as a bat without ’em, but they are part of the Basic look and so sometimes conflict with the theme.  Letters in parenthesis indicate when an item does not specifically belong to the look.

Obviously, Prinnie has priority.  Being mayor has its perks.


Prinnie, Official

Prinnie, Official

Official Look
Police Hat | Black Denim Jacket (b) | Kilt | Black Tights | Black Pumps

Note: The red HRA jacket goes with this and has the bonus of being an official look, but I like the slightly more punk feeling that the black denim jacket gives the outfit.

Cute Look

Prinnie, Cute

Cute Look 1
Yellow Ribbon | Plaid Cami Dress | Gray Leggings | Yellow Buckled Shoes

Note: Ogod so cute can’t take it going to die bye

"Ornate" Outfit 1

Prinnie, Ornate

Ornate Look
Crown | Blue Lace-up Dress | Fishnet Tights | Purple Pumps (o)

Note: Normally, the townsfolk call Prinnie “Dictator.”  Ever since I bought the crown, I’ve been trying to teach them to call her “Empress.”  We’ll see whether or not it sticks.  The crown sure will, I’m going to use it for every ornate outfit ever.

Prinnie, Crazy Viking Caveman

Prinnie, Crazy Viking Caveman

Historical Look
Viking Helmet | Rimmed Glasses | Caveman Tank Dress | Brown Pumps (b)

Note: I look forward to wearing this when Gracie demands a “Historical” look.  The Crazy Viking Caveman will sack Rome!  I mean, uh, Newdood!

Prinnie, Rock n' Roll

Prinnie, Rock n’ Roll

Rock n’ Roll Look
Pirate Hat | Funky Glasses | Sea Captain’s Coat | Lace-up Boots

Note: Thanks to Jennafer of Kokiri for the coat!  Have I ever told you my favorite joke?  A pirate walks into a bar, and he’s wearing a paper towel on his head.  The bartender asks, “Why are you wearing a paper towel on your head?”  So the pirate says, “Arrrr!  I got a BOUNTY on me head!”  Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all night.


Giles, Official

Giles, Official

Official Look
Green Knit Hat (b) | Pilot Shades | Military Uniform | Brown Formal Pants | Black Tights | Brown Loafers

Note: Wow, Giles, now I can see why you’re the town heart throb.  A man always looks good in uniform!  Had to torture Giles with Black Tights (sorry Giles!) instead of the ideal Dress Socks, because I don’t have Dress Socks.


Carpetia, Official

Carpetia, Official

Official Look
Nurse’s Cap | Waitress Dress | White Tights | Mary Janes

Note: She looks helpful, but that’s a lie.  Run!  Run away!


Clotilde, Iconic

Clotilde, Iconic

Iconic Look
Tropical Tank | Tan Dogtooth Pants | Brown Pumps (b)

Note: Ever the classy lady, Clotilde likes to work with patterns yet keep it simple at the same time.  I’d actually wear this.  Is that weird?